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Harvard to Go Egalitarian

Cambridge, MA, April 1, 2014

Harvard_Veritas_The_Truth_Will_Set_U_FreeIn a move designed to foster diversity and to create a university that “thinks like America,” Dr. Drew Gilpin Faust, the President of Harvard University announced yesterday that the school will embrace egalitarian admissions. The school will no longer give priority to students with good grades, high SAT scores, and impressive extra-curricular activities. Such policies have, Dr. Faust acknowledged, created an “elitist” and “inegalitarian” atmosphere at the college. “It is unacceptable in 2014 to be favoring the intelligent over the unlearned, and the energetic over the slothful,” she proclaimed. Starting next year Harvard’s incoming class will have SAT scores ranging from six to sixteen hundred to produce, for the first time, a truly diverse freshman class. The class’ scores will resemble the distribution of scores across the United States.

This mission will extend beyond admissions: “Harvard is now dedicated to fighting ‘thinkism” in all its guises. No longer will Professors grade students based upon how ‘well’ they think or write, or solve math problems or speak French.” Instead, fairness dictates that grades will be assigned by lot–like elections in ancient Athens, the only way to ensure that students who are “better prepared” for college or “better able” to read, write, and think, will not use their time at Harvard to perpetuate their educational and intellectual privilege.

A press release declares that “Harvard is now dedicated to serving the ‘differently intellectual’ and ‘differently learned’ or DIDL students.” The idea that some are “smarter” than others is a prejudice that we need to overcome. The twenty-first century, the era of Hope and Change, is an age of equality. Gone are the days when knowing the difference between “their” and “there,” or references to dead White European males like Goethe or Marlowe were used to perpetuate privilege. There is no reason to favor an applicant who has been reading Shakespeare since he was ten over one who has watched every episode of “Sponge Bob” fifty times.

This summer, the entire Harvard faculty will be trained in sensitivity to needs of DIDL students. There is talk of an, as yet undetermined, plan for affirmative action for “Low IQ Americans.” The Puritans who founded Harvard held that “there is no sin but ignorance.” But they also burned witches, Harvard noted.

Unconfirmed rumors suggest that the move was prompted by the threat of a lawsuit on behalf of the DIDL community by the Department of Education. Facing a court battle that the University was likely to lose, Dr. Faust made a bargain with Arne Duncan, Secretary of Education . . .

Reader Discussion

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on April 01, 2014 at 09:30:55 am

a good spoof

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Image of Frank Buckley
Frank Buckley
on April 01, 2014 at 10:05:27 am

This is the proper date for the "release."

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Image of R Richard Schweitzer
R Richard Schweitzer
on April 01, 2014 at 10:07:06 am

I sure do HOPE it's an April Fool joke.

However, one does have to wonder sometimes, given Harvard's Injury Prevent Center crew and its "research" into prevention of injury by firearms...

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Image of kldimond
kldimond
on April 01, 2014 at 10:14:28 am

And they'll all still receive A's because the faculty is desperate to they create intelligent, educated people through their exceptional talent and it's not the admissions department that merely identifies and selects them.

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Image of Bob
Bob
on April 01, 2014 at 10:19:40 am

As goofy as Harvard is it wouldn't be surprising if this were NOT an April Fool's Day joke but an announcement of actual policy degredation. Only "Faust" was a giveaway as to its likely spoof nature, though I still wouldn't be surprised to see it announced for real in the near future, even this year!

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Image of Russ Davis
Russ Davis
on April 01, 2014 at 10:50:17 am

[…] LLS: […]

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Image of Dinocrat » Blog Archive » Brite collage years
Dinocrat » Blog Archive » Brite collage years
on April 01, 2014 at 10:57:38 am

Over the decades I've come to realize that what was absurd yesterday becomes policy tomorrow.

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Bozo the Clone
on April 01, 2014 at 11:13:07 am

"Dr. Faust made a bargain with Arne Duncan"? The devil you say!

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Image of Scott Street
Scott Street
on April 01, 2014 at 11:27:57 am

differently intellectual’ and ‘differently learned’ youth were going to stage a sit in on campus and Harvard officials were afraid of the DIDLY Squat.

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Image of Dennis Logue
Dennis Logue
on April 01, 2014 at 12:39:24 pm

If you had really wanted to shock your readers you would have announced that Harvard was going to start hiring tenure-track professors with a center to center-right political perspective, and that henceforth left-wing campus agitators would no longer be coddled and have their every whim catered to. But even the most gullible of us wouldn't fall for that, not even on April Fool's Day.

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Image of JVW
JVW
on April 01, 2014 at 13:12:47 pm

It's already started -- check their men's major sports teams.

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Image of The Truth
The Truth
on April 01, 2014 at 13:31:43 pm

[…] via Harvard to Go Egalitarian | Online Library of Law and Liberty. […]

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Image of Education: Continued | nebraskaenergyobserver
Education: Continued | nebraskaenergyobserver
on April 01, 2014 at 13:35:58 pm

Nice April Fool item, but, hey, let's face it: only in academia could the actions described in the article could be "stupid enough to be true."

"There is no idea so stupid, dangerous, or evil that an academic somewhere won't buy into it."

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Image of MarkJ
MarkJ
on April 01, 2014 at 16:21:27 pm

And of course San Francisco has elected to tax the rich and provide housing for minorities in equal numbers as the general population! San Fran Nan was 1st in line to give up her Northside house for this cause. It will provide a short commute for the migrants doing fruit and vegetable work.

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Image of moron
moron
on April 02, 2014 at 21:12:27 pm

[…] Read more here […]

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Image of Under Harvard's New 'Egalitarian' Admission Policy, Even Kim Kardashian Could Enroll - Blur Brain
Under Harvard's New 'Egalitarian' Admission Policy, Even Kim Kardashian Could Enroll - Blur Brain
on April 02, 2014 at 21:16:05 pm

[…] Read more here […]

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Image of Under Harvard's New 'Egalitarian' Policy, They Could Admit Kim Kardashian Over Smart Asian Student - Blur Brain
Under Harvard's New 'Egalitarian' Policy, They Could Admit Kim Kardashian Over Smart Asian Student - Blur Brain
on April 25, 2016 at 23:31:08 pm

I've seen the admission Process at several Ivy League schools. This isn't far from the truth Goyim!

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Image of Ivy League 23% Jewish. 1.8% of Population
Ivy League 23% Jewish. 1.8% of Population

Law & Liberty welcomes civil and lively discussion of its articles. Abusive comments will not be tolerated. We reserve the right to delete comments - or ban users - without notification or explanation.